"We are cruel enough without meaning to be." - John Updike, _Rabbit Is Rich_ It is told that there are two kinds of "solitariness." One positive, another negative. The positive solitariness is one without what it must have; the negative is one without what it once had. Natural enough, the vagabond in "youth" means being of positive solitude for its potentiality and capability to grab things ahead. It can be productive. From the elders playing Chinese chess at the public park in the lazzy Sunday morning, you see solitude negative. However, it doesn't always mean biological. In Los Angeles, you find no difficulty to see the first generation of Korean immigrants who is subconsciously (and consciously) "enjoying" the negative. Often, doesn't matter if they're young or old. They (should I say "we"?) left what they had in Korea, behind. "I was," "At that time," "I had," etc. make me only feel sympathy for. Have a pity on me, will you? I murmur those in my mind, too, you know? Yes, it may be circumstantial. Rational re-thinking. Shifting a point of view. Calmly, I'm seeking for a solitariness of my own: the "positive." To live with meaning or without.... -------------------------------------------- 혹시라도 어쩌다가 아픔같은 것이 저며올 때는 그럴 땐 바다를 생각해 바다 ... ----- 김민기의 <봉우리> 중에서 ----------- J jhan@ucsd.edu