I just finished reading all the postings related to yours. Damn! I feel so angry and mad! Mad as hell! I know whatever I say will not really help you get rid of the anger and despair you have in your mind now, but I have to say I agree with cruise (and others) concerning how you should think for the moment. I thought about what might help you other than trying to stabilize your mind and recover from the experience. I felt that first I must have myself experience emotionssimilar to what you have been going through to be able to think about any solutions. So I tried.... Your situation is worse than others because you have to deal with the rapist in your everyday life who acts as if nothing happened, which means he does not think that you will dare come out and talk to others about it. I am a guy, and the only situation I can think of that could create the kind of feeling you have now in my mind is the following: I am a father who is very poor and powerless and ignorant, not educated. I owe a lot of money to a mean guy. He often came to demand money and secretly set his eye on my 21 year old daughter. One day he came by when my daughter was alone at home and raped her. Then he came to me and threatened me that if I don't keep silence he will bring gangsters to my house and destroy everything and that he will reduce the debt by half now. Then he said with a wink that my daughter was very enjoyable, patted on my sholder, and walked away. I am as mad and angry as hell, but I am so powerless and helpless. I do not know anyone with power who can help me. I am afraid that if I try to fight against him, he will use all his power to convince people that what my daughter and I say are lies to get out of the debt. He is so liked and recognized in the community that it is easy for him to convince people that way. I see my daughter staying in her room all the time, crying. I know she is thinking about committing suicide. I don't know what to tell her to help her. Inside I am about to explode with anger. I want to kill that bastard!!! But I am afraid for my family. Whe will support them if I go to jail? I have to drink everyday until I become numb. I run into the bastard everyday at work, and he sometimes shows me a creepy smile!!!! When I see that smile, I wanna strangle that bastard!! But it's only my thought.. I have to pretend not to see it and keep working. I am afriad that if I lose my job here it is hard to support my family. This is the situation I put myself in, and I feel my emotions might be close to yours, although they may not be still comparable since I did not experience the rape in person. [My! I didn't plan to write this long.... Let me continue in the next posting.] karam ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ 잔잔한 물결 ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~